Sass of the Year

I was trying to french braid Stella's hair after her bath one night. For this activity, I must have a completely still head to work on or else it becomes a mess, which is also why I hardly ever braid her hair. I kept telling Stella to "freeze" so I could get a braid or two in. She kept moving around. I'd freeze her. She'd move a few seconds later.

MOM: "Stella PLEASE hold still!"
STELLA: "You have to freeze me."
MOM: "I've been freezing you and you keep moving around."
STELLA: "Well, I melted."

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Stella sat down to watch her Hannah Montana movie for the 50th time. Elliot came home and sat next to her before the movie started.

DAD: "What are you watching Stella? Hannah Montana?"
(and in her full Sassy Stella way)
STELLA: "You know it!"

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In more Hannah Montana news (you have to see it to get this one) . . . Stella was in the church library with me on Sunday morning while I was stapling my newsletters. She was being "helpful" to the librarian. The librarian said, "Stella, I'm going to talk to your Daddy (bishop) and tell him to make you my assistant." To which Stella replied in her very valley-girl tone, "Your Executive Assistant!"

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One of Stella's favorite outfits is this red dress with the striped scarf. After church this day, she came up to me and said, "Watch!" as she proceeded to pull the scarf around her neck as tight as she could while her face turned red!

This, of course, is not acceptable! I made her stop immediately and gave her quite the lecture on why she shouldn't do that, including and itemized list of loss of motor skills, drooling, not walking, not running, not eating, not breathing, death, singing, dancing . . . the list goes on. She listened to this list with about as much concern on her face as she has when I tell her I'm taking away a privilege (she really, really doesn't care).

Oh, but I found the one thing she couldn't refrain from gasping in horror. She agreed to not ever pull the scarf around her neck like that again after I told her that she'd NEVER be able to hold a baby again! The gasp was totally worth it.

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Speaking of a previous post in which I was happy about looking forward to having one grandchild . . .

STELLA: "I'm not going to have any kids."
MOM: "WHAT? Why?"
STELLA: "I don't want to push them out of my bum."
MOM: "Who told you that?" (I already knew the answer)
STELLA: "Clarkie."

Since Clark's mommy was about to have a baby, they had a review of their own births and the kids asked a few "where do babies come from" questions, thus thrusting my daughter into the sex talk a little early. So I proceeded to traumatize her by describing the other options besides pushing them out of her bum. I'll never be a grandma.